#isn't the panchal family so fascinating

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Since we're all putting our "Shikhandi in the aftermath of Bheeshma's death, I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring

“I know you- you probably do not want me to say this, right after what we just did, but, my condolences. I know it was difficult for you to do that to a respected elder,”

“Oho, you know what hard is?? I want to know, really, how you can show your face to me after- Hey I was wondering, are all of your princes bred to kill ours? What's next, huh? Drishtaketu killing Shatanik? How can you feel happy after definitely killing Pitamaha?”

“Why is it my fault if he refuses to fight me? It wasn’t seventy years ago for me, Arjun! It feels like it happened yesterday. So, what do you want to know huh? Do you want to know how, with the same hands that he used to pinch your little cheeks with, he dragged me away, kicking and screaming, unable to defend myself? Loaded me onto a chariot even when I was screaming at him that I was already betrothed? What do you want me to say? ‘Sorry for killing the man who hurt me and ruined my sisters’ life?’ Tell me you wouldn’t do the same for your siblings… Tell me-”

He felt a hand on his shoulder. His wife handed him his cane, and pulled him away from the argument. An arm around him, she escorted him back to their tent. Sitting down on the bed, she laid him down so his head was pillowed on her lap.

“You don’t need to apologize for doing that,” Shalaka said quietly. “I remember when you finally opened up to me, the pain and tears in your eyes. How you said that even though it had happened ages ago, it still felt like a fresh, festering wound to you. You missed your sisters, miss them even today. And how many times have you told the story to people? I know you talked to your parents, when you were young, and your brother and sister. I know you told me and Kshatradev, and I know for a fact that Vasudev also knows. You don’t need to keep repeating it,” she stroked his hair, “You don’t have to say anything, I’ve known you for many years. I can understand you without you needing to speak,”

“I won’t- I won't be, soon enough. I have been fighting for so long, I feel tired. If I- if I die before you, can you take care of Kshatra? What is there for me now? I’ve done what I came here to do. I Don't know if I’ll be able to walk without a cane again… Somewhere, wherever they are, I hope my sisters are proud of me. You know, I see them sometimes. When I met the late king, or King Dhritarashtra, I saw them. They looked like- like my sisters. I saw them in their sons, and all I could think of was the pain that my sisters went through. Tell me, was it worth it? Taking him down after he had already ruined the lives of many, many more women than just my two sisters? Sometimes I feel I wasn’t fighting for Ambika and Ambalika, but for- for yajnaseni. I never forgot those two, I swear! I promise you I never forgot them!” Even though he’d started in a quiet voice, he had gotten frantic by the time he finished.

“Shh, shh, I know. I know, okay. I know you didn’t.” Shalaka whispered. How could he have forgotten them, when he told of their plight with the pain and turmoil of a fresh wound? How, even now, he panicked when he thought he’d forgotten an aspect of their personalities, how his mission for his sisters actually became successful. How he was so single-minded.

“You know, I’ve grown up in a militaristic kingdom. All my life, I’ve seen men who never got over grudges going to war. They never give women a chance, say we are too flighty, too emotional, but men have always been the ones who ruined kingdoms and lives with their grudges and greed. I’ve seen men less single-minded than you neglect their families and kingdoms for petty reasons. But you? You persisted. Even after what I did, you worked so hard to build a relationship with me again. I remember the days before we were married. And I remember after we’d just become parents. Even when pursuing your goal, you never forgot your family. You never forgot us. You never forgot Panchali. Or Dhrishtadyumna. The story doesn’t have to end with the hero dying. Sometimes, he can complete his mission and live happily ever after with his family,” she smiled.

“Everyone says Revenge is bad, Shalaka. Is it wrong of me to feel free, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders?”

“No,” Shalaka said, and bent down to kiss his forehead. “Not really.”

Shalaka felt her saree grow wet. Her husband wasn't crying openly, but he didn't need to make a sound for her to know. She never stopped stroking his hair, staying quiet as he let all of the exhaustion, pain, and exhilaration he felt after today. He looked so peaceful right now.

Their son walked in. Shalaka instinctively put a finger over her lips. Glancing over the scene, he took a blanket and draped it over Shikhandi, and sat on the side of the bed. “Is he happy now, mother? He was always so sad.”

“He will be, eventually. Don’t you worry about it.”

@rishabhaa the panchalpocalypse has started!!!!!!

Day 5: Pride

Shikhandi watches Bheeshma fall with no small amount of rage. He knows what happened was according to the plan. He knows, that to win, Bheeshma must have considered him a woman. It does not sting any less.

Long before he was a girl, before he was born, a lady had walked the Earth and cursed this warrior for spurning her after ruining her life. He should feel proud to have avenged her. He only feels shame. The cousins have gathered over Bheeshma’s gory body perforated with arrows like a pincushion. They weep together, bitter enmity forgotten over dying familial blood. He feels like an intruder.

He should be satisfied, that the one who refused to acknowledge his identity lies dead. He only feels used, like the incertitude of his gender was the only reason he had been selected for this unenvious destiny, and that his destiny was a direct catalyst for his identity. He stands apart, sorrowful and pitifully angry, like a bleating goat-kid protesting against the cruelty of the butcher’s knife. His father, however, is elated, and makes little pretense of joining the mourners, electing to pridefully gaze upon a son he had once scorned. Shikhandi has nothing to say. His existence has been rendered meaningless, and not because he has fulfilled his destiny. He is no more important in this war for the elephant throne (for no woman can be avenged by widowing a million more, Draupadi’s delusions be damned) and ready to be discarded. He hopes he would die soon. Krishna gives him a melancholy smile, like he knew what he was thinking. He probably did. Shikhandi cannot bear to stay there. He turns away, and begins the long trek to camp on foot. (If he spoke some kind words to a dying soldier because he had newfound realisations about the ‘pawns’ in this game, well then, it was not like there was anyone to tell the tale.)

Tagging @sundaralekhan

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I'm a day late for trans day of remembrance, but here, have a happy modern AU shikhandi! Glimpses of his life on his instagram page! To learn more about modern AU shikhandi(and by extension, the panchal fam), you can read this post!!

A big big big big thank you to @teaah-art for the profile pic!!

POV: you scroll down and see this

Context for each image under the cut:

First image:

Top left: beach date top middle: he thought shalaka was looking cute top right: he styled her hair

middle left: him and draupadi middle: If you zoom in you'll see it's written "Indian art history series, part 3" he's doing an infographic carousel post thing middle right: himself before he transitioned

bottom 3: rome era

Second image:

him and shalaka go to the guesthouse property

Next six are all nepal pics

lotus pendant

watching a movie with his brothers

first rakshabandhan after coming out(BRO COME ON TELL ME THIS DOESNT HIT YOU IN THE FEELS

indian art history series

his own painting studio

visiting a museum

trying on drish's clothes

caption for this: "found an old pic of mom and dad, I think this was when they had just got the house in Mahe. Miss you mom"

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I feel like they try to make drupad cruel to paint Drona in a better light. They take the "I can't be friends with you bcos you're POOR" incident be the whole thesis of Drupad's character.

Of course, Drona isn't a saint, and Drupad isn't satan incarnate like starbharat thinks, but that warrants a whole other post. Right now, I want to get into the specific episode you're talking about.

I LOVE that they made ARJUN the sexy lamp, the philosophical one, the mama's boy, the- (what starbharat made him outnumbers his actual names and also the previous sentence was all sarcastic. He has so much main character energy and NOT in a good way.)

Honestly, with Kunti's speech in that episode, I wanted there to be a difference of opinion between the pandavas. Let them have a Dialogue on doing what's Comfortable vs doing what is Right. It is actually one of the FEW moments where I sympathise with this serial's iteration of Kunti. She has an ADORABLE baby face which sometimes works for getting me to like her a little bit. But wise, shrewd, matriarch, strong Kunti isn't seen here, which is something I prefer. Also I cannot get over the ageism of starbharat in casting someone younger than the pandava actors to play Kunti. Like none of the women in the older gen are actually old like WTF bro.

But no, we gotta do the brotherly highfive tunnel digging sequences which gives us (mostly) ripped men covered in dirt. The two wolves inside me begin fighting at around this moment and do not stop until we get to slightly dilfy drupad and fem shikhandi.

@preyasi this is reminding me of your bheeshma video.

I wanted starbharat to do a very bold thing and show the pandavas chill and comfortable in the forest while they are uncomfortable in the palace. But ig that's too much to hope for.

NOW, coming to my favourite part: Drupad(And also why my pfp is Asshole Starbharat Drupad and not Good Dad BRC Drupad)

First of all, in my opinion, Starbharat doesn't take into account that all of the major families(Especially Panchal, Drupad was boutta make the homemade fucking kauravas with how many sons he had) in the epic are really complex joint families. Same with the yadavas, don't really show anyone except for the main 3 siblings(SATYAKI IS NOT THERE. KRISHNA'S OTHER WIVES ARE NOT THERE) and wtf was going on with rukmini being reduced to a 2d crybaby??? (I love the rukmini haran episode tho for the krishnarjun moments and it is so terrible it makes my day better with how camp it is if my day has been especially terrible)

Second of all, WHERE IS MY BOY SATYAJIT??? WHERE ARE MY TALENTED BABIES YUDHAMANYU AND UTTAMAUJAS?? WHERE ARE MY DARLING KUMARA-PANCHALYA?? WHERE ARE HIS KIDS YOU COWARD STARBHARAT?? (they are alone enough to squash the "Drupad can't have sons" thing he has going on)

Third of all, I hate what they have done to shikhandi. I do Not Like It. As the resident shikhandi obsessed person on this website(can be corroborated by many ppl who knew me b4 I started this blog) but that is again, a separate post where I rank all shikhandis across all adaptations and it's a Big Thing. anyways, back to this post.

this is why I loved workshopping and writing Drupad. Yes, he is a selfish, territorial asshole, he is awkward and cannot understand his kids despite being responsible for the messiness of his family, but he is also a deeply flawed character. my pfp is starbharat drupad because he looks exactly like I imagined him as a kid and also because looking at him every day fills me with a visceral anger what star plus did to him and my desire to make him a proper 3-dimensional character. He hate-motivates me.

But yes I love the banter between the pandavas when they sit down to eat. I just- it's one of the things this adaptation does well. Although I did NOT like the random south american fruits showing up.

OOPS- sorry for the long post

Re-watching Mahabharat (8/?)

Guess who has returned. Anyways, to refresh y'all's memories, this starts after the episode where Arjun discovers that the building is made of lac. So basically lakshagriha timeeee

NAURRR MOMMY DEAREST IS ABOUT TO EAT POISONED KHEER

Someone pls tell me if these ppl only eat kheer and sweets. pls. I hate sweets, ughhh.

LOL Kunti is about to eat poisoned kheer, and the cameraman is busy giving a sexy shot of Arjun. Priorities.

Yudi bro dropping the bomb, while Kunti gasps in surprise. Like really? Y'all are surprised? this is the same person who poisoned lil Bhima.

BBG Nakul complaining to Mommy how his pet died. uwu.

These kids really arent letting Mommy Kunti process the news, eh?

Kunti: *is confused and scared*. meanwhile Arjun: *proceeds to be sexy.*

Bhishma is also showing that smolder. Dude, your grandsons are about to die, ffs.

I see. Arjun hasn't entered his "i can't kill my relatives" phase yet.

LOL Kunti, won't it be better to have Duryodhan's crimes out in the public so that the court can literally remove him out of the line of succession or smth, instead of just asking your sons to give their right on the throne? Krishna is prolly banging his head in Dvaraka rn.

Kunti is not wrong. Dhritrashtra is really bad uncle. And in canon, he was a bad father too. He had an affair with a maid for a year because Gandhari couldn't physically intimate with him due to her pregnancy. That's how Yuyutsu was born. It wasn't a one time thing.

Is Arjun the only kid who can have heart-to-heart convos with his elders?

#seddramaticeffects

Another Krishna flashback, yayyyy

Arjun: idk what to doooo oh godddd. Le the God: here, have a flashback bestie!

If I had a coin for each time Arjun says "Mata saraswati" then I would have 3 coins, which is not too much, but well-

Arjun: i have to sacrifice myselfffff

Not the Pandavas playing passing the parcel with Kunti XDD

Y'all, he won't die. He is Arjun. He won't die till Krishna wants him to die which is never.

If I had a coin for each time Arjun says "Jyesth Bhrata jaiye-"

See what you have done Dhritrashtra. My poor Pandavas are now doing majdoori.

Kunti really wants to become tandoori kabab, doesn't she?

Everytime Gandivadhari Arjun plays, I'm reminded how he doesn't have the gandiva yet.

Bhishma: *moans sadly*

This scene with the praja of Hastinapur is both emotional and extremely funny at the same time for me.

Stop moping, Karna. You chose mitrata over humanity.

Karna is that friend who is equally into the bs the rest of the group does, but still has the gall to act as if he is disgusted.

Kripacharya(?) dropping the scroll as if it is the sindoor ki thali from Ekta Kapoor's daily soaps.

Bhishma, after finding out that the Pandavas are alive: me happy :>

Krishna going on a beach date with Rukmini AWWWWW

Okay but Drupad wasn't this huge of a POS in canon. Why is he downright cruel

Also you are so sexist, Drupad. It's YOUR chromosomes which didn't allow you to have a son.

erm...Daksh Prajapati had SONS too...BUT THE POINT IS NICE!

Poor Droupadi is already Drupad's unwanted kid, isn't she?

Bhima's personality is just eating and yelling at ppl out of anger. OH GOD.

Not Kunti crying over the food. Ma'am, the quantity is def enough for all of your sons. Also, they have eaten this type of food for 75% of their lives.

SERVE YOURSELF FOOD YOURSELF, ARJUN-

Bhima embodying "Dil to baccha hai ji"

Drou and Dhri about to be born yayyyyy